Oh, Christmas Time!

This holiday season was filled with joy, laughs, family, gluttony and love.  A piece of me was missing because I couldn't help but to think about all that is going on with trying to conceive.  But I had to sit back and be grateful for everything that we have been blessed with this year. 

My husband and I were talking on they snowy ride home about how hard it is, unless you have been through infertility, that you really can't understand the details of this journey.  We have gotten a hundred beautiful Christmas cards with peoples' children on the front (a lot of our friends have started having children this year).  It is hard to explain (with out sounding selfish) but it is really hard to open Christmas cards knowing we didn't send them out this year for that reason.  Yes, we are a family and could have done it anyway, but this year we really were trying to get through with the bare minimum.  I think this approach really helped us.  We sat back and reflected on everything we have gone through and how great our family and friends really are.  Although they may not be able to understand that it is hard for us to hear every detail about how easy it was for them to get pregnant or how much life has changed since they had their little bundle of joy, it doesn't mean that we are any less happy for them.  What it does mean is that we need to step back and breathe and know that it will happen in due time and that we have learned a lot in the process.  This holiday season I am reflecting on how much people really do care. 

One great friend has gone through a really hard time himself this year and he went out of his way to drop of a gift to us before we went out of town...more important than the gift was an endearing card about how we have been great friends this trying year as well.

I know my sister is waiting to start trying to conceive until we have a baby because she thinks it would hurt us with everything we are going through.  I can't lie, every time someone tells me they are pregnant I get a little knot in my stomach.  That doesn't mean that I don't wish them the best in the world.   I am happy for everyone that we love to have children and what Paul and I go through is our own journey to deal with.  So, I will be ecstatic for my sister and I hope they start trying in their own time frame not ours.  Although, I couldn't think of anything better than both of us getting pregnant at the same time!

My other sister and her husband gave us a great Christmas present of $1000.  Unbelievable generosity I know, and yes, that is right, we are going into this completely debt free!  It is hard to explain how much these gifts mean to us.  It has nothing to do with the money, but about the support.  Don't get me wrong the money is a great help! :P  We are so grateful for all of the support that we have received from family, friends and especially my sisters.  My big sister is always a consent source of support for me.  She is one of the strongest people that I know yet she finds the time to check on us and go out of the way to show how much she cares for us.

Sometimes you never know how much you mean to other people.  Just a phone call to ask how we are doing means the world to us.  Acknowledging that this may be hard and that we can call when we need to.  The prayers and constant support has definitely made this process easier.  And when I have my own little pity party I can set back at reflective times like this and remember how lucky we are to have each other, family, friends and so many other things that other people may not have.
Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!

PS.  Weather permitting, I go to the doctor Tuesday for an ultrasound and hopefully to start injections again! *Fingers crossed*