Very exciting start to the new year!
Well, I am excited and nervous all rolled into one emotion.
Again, I just have to say I have the best friends and family in the world! I am so grateful for all of them!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The Next Step on Our Path
We went to the doctor yesterday for and ultrasound and to update us on what is next on our path. Everything looked good with the ultrasound (and I don't care how many times I go to the doctor it is always weird to look at your ovaries). He measured my uterus, which didn't feel amazing, but apparently looked perfect. Paul and I both had to have blood tests for HIV and hepatitis. After all that we got the next green light. We have ordered ALL the medications (10 to be exact). The shots alone where over $1,400. I will get the shots via mail tomorrow and will start them January 1st!
Very exciting start to the new year!
Very exciting start to the new year!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Oh, Christmas Time!
This holiday season was filled with joy, laughs, family, gluttony and love. A piece of me was missing because I couldn't help but to think about all that is going on with trying to conceive. But I had to sit back and be grateful for everything that we have been blessed with this year.
My husband and I were talking on they snowy ride home about how hard it is, unless you have been through infertility, that you really can't understand the details of this journey. We have gotten a hundred beautiful Christmas cards with peoples' children on the front (a lot of our friends have started having children this year). It is hard to explain (with out sounding selfish) but it is really hard to open Christmas cards knowing we didn't send them out this year for that reason. Yes, we are a family and could have done it anyway, but this year we really were trying to get through with the bare minimum. I think this approach really helped us. We sat back and reflected on everything we have gone through and how great our family and friends really are. Although they may not be able to understand that it is hard for us to hear every detail about how easy it was for them to get pregnant or how much life has changed since they had their little bundle of joy, it doesn't mean that we are any less happy for them. What it does mean is that we need to step back and breathe and know that it will happen in due time and that we have learned a lot in the process. This holiday season I am reflecting on how much people really do care.
One great friend has gone through a really hard time himself this year and he went out of his way to drop of a gift to us before we went out of town...more important than the gift was an endearing card about how we have been great friends this trying year as well.
I know my sister is waiting to start trying to conceive until we have a baby because she thinks it would hurt us with everything we are going through. I can't lie, every time someone tells me they are pregnant I get a little knot in my stomach. That doesn't mean that I don't wish them the best in the world. I am happy for everyone that we love to have children and what Paul and I go through is our own journey to deal with. So, I will be ecstatic for my sister and I hope they start trying in their own time frame not ours. Although, I couldn't think of anything better than both of us getting pregnant at the same time!
My other sister and her husband gave us a great Christmas present of $1000. Unbelievable generosity I know, and yes, that is right, we are going into this completely debt free! It is hard to explain how much these gifts mean to us. It has nothing to do with the money, but about the support. Don't get me wrong the money is a great help! :P We are so grateful for all of the support that we have received from family, friends and especially my sisters. My big sister is always a consent source of support for me. She is one of the strongest people that I know yet she finds the time to check on us and go out of the way to show how much she cares for us.
Sometimes you never know how much you mean to other people. Just a phone call to ask how we are doing means the world to us. Acknowledging that this may be hard and that we can call when we need to. The prayers and constant support has definitely made this process easier. And when I have my own little pity party I can set back at reflective times like this and remember how lucky we are to have each other, family, friends and so many other things that other people may not have.
Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!
PS. Weather permitting, I go to the doctor Tuesday for an ultrasound and hopefully to start injections again! *Fingers crossed*
My husband and I were talking on they snowy ride home about how hard it is, unless you have been through infertility, that you really can't understand the details of this journey. We have gotten a hundred beautiful Christmas cards with peoples' children on the front (a lot of our friends have started having children this year). It is hard to explain (with out sounding selfish) but it is really hard to open Christmas cards knowing we didn't send them out this year for that reason. Yes, we are a family and could have done it anyway, but this year we really were trying to get through with the bare minimum. I think this approach really helped us. We sat back and reflected on everything we have gone through and how great our family and friends really are. Although they may not be able to understand that it is hard for us to hear every detail about how easy it was for them to get pregnant or how much life has changed since they had their little bundle of joy, it doesn't mean that we are any less happy for them. What it does mean is that we need to step back and breathe and know that it will happen in due time and that we have learned a lot in the process. This holiday season I am reflecting on how much people really do care.
One great friend has gone through a really hard time himself this year and he went out of his way to drop of a gift to us before we went out of town...more important than the gift was an endearing card about how we have been great friends this trying year as well.
I know my sister is waiting to start trying to conceive until we have a baby because she thinks it would hurt us with everything we are going through. I can't lie, every time someone tells me they are pregnant I get a little knot in my stomach. That doesn't mean that I don't wish them the best in the world. I am happy for everyone that we love to have children and what Paul and I go through is our own journey to deal with. So, I will be ecstatic for my sister and I hope they start trying in their own time frame not ours. Although, I couldn't think of anything better than both of us getting pregnant at the same time!
My other sister and her husband gave us a great Christmas present of $1000. Unbelievable generosity I know, and yes, that is right, we are going into this completely debt free! It is hard to explain how much these gifts mean to us. It has nothing to do with the money, but about the support. Don't get me wrong the money is a great help! :P We are so grateful for all of the support that we have received from family, friends and especially my sisters. My big sister is always a consent source of support for me. She is one of the strongest people that I know yet she finds the time to check on us and go out of the way to show how much she cares for us.
Sometimes you never know how much you mean to other people. Just a phone call to ask how we are doing means the world to us. Acknowledging that this may be hard and that we can call when we need to. The prayers and constant support has definitely made this process easier. And when I have my own little pity party I can set back at reflective times like this and remember how lucky we are to have each other, family, friends and so many other things that other people may not have.
Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!
PS. Weather permitting, I go to the doctor Tuesday for an ultrasound and hopefully to start injections again! *Fingers crossed*
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
ROLLING...
...with the punches.
I cannot expand upon our experience as foster parents at this time. What I can say is that I believe loosing a child is one of the hardest things a parent could go through. Unlike death, our foster children are alive and "okay" although, we cannot do anything to save them. I know my babies ask for me but I don't hear that anymore. I live on the hope that they will be in our lives one day.
...tears.
So I let the tears roll. I cried to mourn the loss of the children. I cried because this is the season I miscarried. I cried because I am scared to death to do IVF and risk the chance it doesn't work-another loss. Sometimes we just have to let the tears flow. I let it out, but life goes on. So I cry and pick myself up and try again.
...coins.
Yes, coins. I guess you could call it desperation, but I sat at my kitchen table and rolled coins. We are going to make this work and doing so without going into debt. A wonderful friend come to me with $100 dollars four our "baby fund". I felt awkward taking money but how gracious I am to them for being so generous. So with rolled coins, money from our parents and a donation we are $1,197.50 closer to our goal! :)
ROLL WITH IT...
On a good note: we have been approved! The insurance said my blood work qualified us to do IVF. I spoke with the doctor this morning and we are beginning the process...tonight! I am starting birth control and Ciprofloxacin HCL and Paul is taking Doxycicline (because it is proven couples who take antibiotics before IVF have a higher success rate). Then I will get a ultrasound and start the other drugs the last week of December. Hopefully to do a egg retrieval by mid January.
I cannot expand upon our experience as foster parents at this time. What I can say is that I believe loosing a child is one of the hardest things a parent could go through. Unlike death, our foster children are alive and "okay" although, we cannot do anything to save them. I know my babies ask for me but I don't hear that anymore. I live on the hope that they will be in our lives one day.
...tears.
So I let the tears roll. I cried to mourn the loss of the children. I cried because this is the season I miscarried. I cried because I am scared to death to do IVF and risk the chance it doesn't work-another loss. Sometimes we just have to let the tears flow. I let it out, but life goes on. So I cry and pick myself up and try again.
...coins.
Yes, coins. I guess you could call it desperation, but I sat at my kitchen table and rolled coins. We are going to make this work and doing so without going into debt. A wonderful friend come to me with $100 dollars four our "baby fund". I felt awkward taking money but how gracious I am to them for being so generous. So with rolled coins, money from our parents and a donation we are $1,197.50 closer to our goal! :)
ROLL WITH IT...
On a good note: we have been approved! The insurance said my blood work qualified us to do IVF. I spoke with the doctor this morning and we are beginning the process...tonight! I am starting birth control and Ciprofloxacin HCL and Paul is taking Doxycicline (because it is proven couples who take antibiotics before IVF have a higher success rate). Then I will get a ultrasound and start the other drugs the last week of December. Hopefully to do a egg retrieval by mid January.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Waiting...
I was hoping to hear back from the doctor today about the blood work but no such luck. I will call Monday to check in and hopefully we will get all the information to the insurance so we can move forward with scheduling everything. I know it is only a couple of days to wait but after waiting this long my patience is running thin! In the mean time we still need to find a money tree with $2000 that we have left to raise to cover the IVF. We have really buckled down in the past year and we were able to save most of the money but during this time of the year it is hard to find the extra cash. I have decided to sell some old dresses and things on Craigslist and hope to post items this weekend and hopefully we will make some extra money (plus a good friend volunteered to let me sell some of her designer bags too!). So with all this thinking about how to find just a couple of thousand I have done some research on how most couples fund IVF. FYI this process usually costs about $12000 because most insurances do not cover IVF at all.
Some ideas to pay for IVF:
*Taking out a second mortgage on your home or an equity line
*Donations from gracious family members and friends
*Credit Cards
*Loans
*Selling items online, yard sales or consignment shops
*Scholarships-although these are very few and far in between and hard to get approved for
*Second and third jobs
*Budgeting and cutting back on unnecessary spending
*Some states are required to give some infertility coverage (if your jobs main headquarters are in one of these states they are also required to give coverage)
*Shared Risk-most clinics offer shared risk programs that guarantee a baby. Generally, you will pay a larger fee upfront covering 4 cycles of IVF. If you do not conceive you are refunded a portion of the money but if you do conceive and have a baby from the first IVF cycle you are out the money.
*Go Abroad- Some couples are choosing to travel to other countries where IVF is cheaper. I would suggest you really do your research to make sure the doctor you find is ethical and to also factor in travel fees. Many times you can order drugs abroad as well for a cheaper fee (again do your research to make sure they are not expired).
We are lucky that we do have some coverage through my husband's work but we have some added expenses because I require extra injections to produce eggs ($2-3000) and we are doing the extra step of ICSE (intracytoplasmic sperm injection-which is just a fancy way to say that they will inject the sperm directly into the middle of the egg) because we also have male factor at in extra $1200 and so on and so on. We also have a lifetime max of coverage and this IVF cycle will tap that out. Therefore, this is our one and only time doing this. Which, honestly, is fine with me because if it doesn't work I will take it as it is not meant to be and we will move on to the next step.
My first idea was to set out a "Baby Fund" jar at the front desk of my business but did not think my clients would appreciate the humor. :) We have budgeted and gotten serious about what we really need vs. want. We have really cut back this Christmas, along with the rest of the world. I have started using coupons whenever I can. Paul is working part time with my sister setting up retirement plans for people who desire to ever retire. And, like I said previously, I am venturing onto we web to sell things we don't need anymore. I will keep you updated on how this goes.
During this waiting process I have also decided to get involved in a support group. On the RESOLVE website you can put in your location and they will let you know where the closest support group is in your area. I was lucky enough to find one that was just forming when I was looking. I met a wonderful woman who after a LONG journey has decided to help others and lead a group in our county. We have another meeting on Tuesday at 6:30pm and I am tyring to talk Paul into going with me...we will see if I accomplish this. :)
Some ideas to pay for IVF:
*Taking out a second mortgage on your home or an equity line
*Donations from gracious family members and friends
*Credit Cards
*Loans
*Selling items online, yard sales or consignment shops
*Scholarships-although these are very few and far in between and hard to get approved for
*Second and third jobs
*Budgeting and cutting back on unnecessary spending
*Some states are required to give some infertility coverage (if your jobs main headquarters are in one of these states they are also required to give coverage)
*Shared Risk-most clinics offer shared risk programs that guarantee a baby. Generally, you will pay a larger fee upfront covering 4 cycles of IVF. If you do not conceive you are refunded a portion of the money but if you do conceive and have a baby from the first IVF cycle you are out the money.
*Go Abroad- Some couples are choosing to travel to other countries where IVF is cheaper. I would suggest you really do your research to make sure the doctor you find is ethical and to also factor in travel fees. Many times you can order drugs abroad as well for a cheaper fee (again do your research to make sure they are not expired).
We are lucky that we do have some coverage through my husband's work but we have some added expenses because I require extra injections to produce eggs ($2-3000) and we are doing the extra step of ICSE (intracytoplasmic sperm injection-which is just a fancy way to say that they will inject the sperm directly into the middle of the egg) because we also have male factor at in extra $1200 and so on and so on. We also have a lifetime max of coverage and this IVF cycle will tap that out. Therefore, this is our one and only time doing this. Which, honestly, is fine with me because if it doesn't work I will take it as it is not meant to be and we will move on to the next step.
My first idea was to set out a "Baby Fund" jar at the front desk of my business but did not think my clients would appreciate the humor. :) We have budgeted and gotten serious about what we really need vs. want. We have really cut back this Christmas, along with the rest of the world. I have started using coupons whenever I can. Paul is working part time with my sister setting up retirement plans for people who desire to ever retire. And, like I said previously, I am venturing onto we web to sell things we don't need anymore. I will keep you updated on how this goes.
During this waiting process I have also decided to get involved in a support group. On the RESOLVE website you can put in your location and they will let you know where the closest support group is in your area. I was lucky enough to find one that was just forming when I was looking. I met a wonderful woman who after a LONG journey has decided to help others and lead a group in our county. We have another meeting on Tuesday at 6:30pm and I am tyring to talk Paul into going with me...we will see if I accomplish this. :)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Resources
RESOLVE is a great organization that has made it easy to find support systems and answers to the many questions that we may have. http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/
Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed is a fellow blogger that has some interesting posts for all to follow. http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/
PCOS Newsletter Sign up for this newsletter if you have PCOS. It provies great information that many doctors aren't able to provide us. http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/
Fertility Journey can answer some basic questions and has some good tips http://www.fertilityjourney.com/
Please post any other sites that you may find helpful!
Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed is a fellow blogger that has some interesting posts for all to follow. http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/
PCOS Newsletter Sign up for this newsletter if you have PCOS. It provies great information that many doctors aren't able to provide us. http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/
Fertility Journey can answer some basic questions and has some good tips http://www.fertilityjourney.com/
Please post any other sites that you may find helpful!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Faith and Fertility
I have been overwhelmed by all the support I have received in less than 24 hours of posting this blog. It is great to hear so many people say they are praying for us and to keep our eyes on God's plan for us. I think it is too often that we do not hear people affirm their faith but through this whole process and our foster care experience I have been exuberated to hear so many people respond with their faith on the forefront. I have to say that the infertility journey (let alone life's journey period) would be really hard to get through without the Lord. My husband and I were both raised in Christian households and take pride in our faith. Walking with the Lord includes all the struggles and successes. This trail period for us has been another venture on our walk in faith. The Bible says in James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him". It also says in Romans 8:18 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us". A great friend once told me that God does not challenge the equipped but He equips the challenged. I find this very relevant in my life and know that I need to learn that I am not in control of everything and sometimes the intent may be for me to let go of control and let things go the way fate allows. We may wonder what our life's plan is and why we have to struggle but at the end of the day I always thank God for all that He has given us, including every test, but that I may grow through that test and become His hands and feet and give Him the glory of His work. I am not saying it is always easy in the moment but we have to take the time to meditate on how we handle each struggle and all the great things that have happened through the challenges. I know that I have become a stronger person. My relationship with my husband has become closer. I have a new profound respect for my mother & mother-in-law and their emotions to see their child hurt or in pain. I have a great love for those in my family who have adopted or been adopted. I have redefined hope and faith for myself. I have met and made great friends. Although being a parent is my dream it is not what defines me. This may not be the path that I planned but it will not break me. It is not the end!
This is another great blog that may be helpful to all those struggling but this one in particular is named "The Infertile's Manifesto". It is a great encouragement of HOPE.
PS. The quote "Infertility is a journey that makes me stronger" under the picture is from my great friend, Kate Blackwell, who always gives me great advice. :)
PSS. Philippians 4:13-I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/2010/11/infertiles-manifesto.html
This is another great blog that may be helpful to all those struggling but this one in particular is named "The Infertile's Manifesto". It is a great encouragement of HOPE.
PS. The quote "Infertility is a journey that makes me stronger" under the picture is from my great friend, Kate Blackwell, who always gives me great advice. :)
PSS. Philippians 4:13-I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/2010/11/infertiles-manifesto.html
A closer look into our battle with infertility and our venture into IVF (in vitro fertilization).
I have been with my husband for 11 years and we have been happily married for 4 years now. I was fortunate enough to find out that I had PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) 6 months before we said our vows. I say fortunate because I am glad my husband had this knowledge before we tied the knot but still I don't think either one of us knew what we were getting into. We have had countless heartaches along our 4 year journey of trying to conceive: 2 sperm analysis, 1 miscarriage, 2 failed IUI cycles, losing 2 foster children we had in our home for 14 months, countless amounts of blood work, 1000's of dollars, 2 insurances, 6 different drugs, 2 different types of injections, but most importantly endless love, support and prayer. Now we have reached the point that we are going "all the way". We are embarking on the venture of IVF! We are hoping soon to do our fist (and only) IVF cycle. We are very excited to try again, but with that excitement comes a huge amount of concern, angst and nervousness.
12/8/10
Because we took a break to do foster care I had to go to the doctor bright and early this morning to get my final blood analysis to be "re-approved" that we are infertile. I almost cried when we found out we had to do this AGAIN. Insurance is crazy in general but for the most part they have no sympathy for us pregnancy challenged people. As if I would fake infertility to pay thousands of dollars and have a doctor get us pregnant. But none the less this is good news because we shouldn't have a problem getting approved and we will hopefully be able to schedule out IVF cycle next week when we get the results.
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